No Big Easy for this girl

I was so excited when I took the  lead and organized a panel session for my national meetings.  Way back in March when I submitted our panel, I could not foresee where I would be in November. We were accepted (yaaay!!!!) when I was leaving the field so even though things were already a little more difficult on all life fronts, still, I didn't know what the next few months held. I knew where I hoped I would be. and that is just not the case.

So after a lot of mixed emotions, feeling guilty, and advice seeking, I have made the final decision that traveling to New Orleans this weekend is not in my personal, academic nor financial interest.  It is disappointing, but I know it is the right decision. Too bad I didn't know that BEFORE I bought my plane ticket but for all other grad students out there let me tell you:

Starting your dissertation in the middle is not the way to go [remember when my computer was stolen, all of my writing in the past year went with it. Lit review? needs to be redone. draft methodology? needs to be redone. Intro to my project location? needs to be redone. and that reality kills me each and every time I retype something]. Keep "Finish grad school!!" as your #2 priority, right after family. Make decisions based on those two things. Nothing else. 


I am going to stop working on this conference paper, which would be somewhere around chapter 5 of my dissertation, and now start at the beginning. Here's hoping for faster results and graduation in one year's time.

Black people in Argentina!

I wrote a lot about the census campaign in Panama and mentioned that it stemmed from a UN initiative.  Some Latin American countries have their census days later in the year. Here are some materials from Argentina, whose census is this week, October 27th.

yup! I said Argentina, the self proclaimed "europe" (read: white) of Latin America. When I tell you there are black people everywhere, please believe me lol. Just because some countries have smaller numbers than others does not mean they too should not be counted. This is an unparalleled opportunity to learn about regional immigration, migration and history.

On the analytical side, the poster shows a large range of skin tones and the language of this question adds much more specificity than Panama's census. They explicitly add names of family members. [Are you or any person in this home of African descent or  have ancestors who are African or of African-ancestry {father, mother, grandparents, great-grandparents}]

(info on Argentina's census from :http://alejandrofrigerio.blogspot.com)

chasing Ariana

People have asked how my “transition” is going.

The novelty of being back has worn off and I am really missing my Panamanian life, where I spent the majority of my time working on my research.  My time was mine to spend as I chose.

Here in the US I have a part time job that I like, but that doesn’t pay that well, which forced me to take on a few tutoring gigs, which takes more time away from my dissertating.  People here expect a lot of my time, usually without considering that the time I am not “at work” I am still working.  Of course I appreciate that friends missed me and want to spend time!! I am not trying to sound like a total misanthrope. I just need to do a better job with managing my time. I tried to avoid it, but I got caught in the shopping/getting drinks/eating out trap as ‘catch up’ time when I came back. That took away time and money that I cannot get back. And it is my own fault.

So I am working on a paper that will not make or break me, but it is stressing me out because I am essentially starting in the middle of my dissertation, meaning I need to type out all of these notes and such that I need to draw on. I am still in the notes phase and I need to deliver this paper in a month.

Cue: panic.

So yeah. I have furniture in my apartment now so that helps! Immensely! Try being stressed out and eating standing up at the sink counter, spreading books out on the hard floor because no bookcases, and having nowhere to work but your bed. As comfortable as my bed is, I would have to pack everything up every night so I could sleep.

Life is better with a sofa and dining set!

I work best early mornings and late at night, which is impossible with my job schedule. (well, I could go to work as a zombie but that doesn't seem like a good idea for job security)

in short, I am still trying to find my routine and not just keep up with myself, but actually feel like I am directing my life. Not just running after it. 

asi es la vida sin papaya

anniversary!

One year ago today, my eyes watered as hugged my parents goodbye and went down the escalator to my gate at Dulles Airport. My tia/prima Nelly picked me up in Panama City and so began my adventure.


What a wonderful year I had!

 Panama certainly left its mark on me. I can't wait to go back.
I hope that through my research, meeting people, and spending time with my family, I left my mark too.

!hasta pronto, mi panama lindo!

Panama no era asi, panama tiene que progresar!

(the little girl singing is my buddy, Dolika)

I tried to upload the longer video of this song, but it was "rejected by the server".  I wish this was a real recording somewhere so I could jam to it in my car!  I first heard this song on the day of the video, at a summer camp for kids from Chorillo. Part of the camp was a calypso workshop. Luckily, I heard it again at one of the cultural Tuesday events in Colon. In Colon I was able to get a full recording. yay! 

Interestingly, in Panama, Calypso was sung mostly in English at first. That is not surprising since it was brought to Panama by people of the English Speaking Caribbean. But this song represents an important shift- Calypso in Spanish.  The author/singer explicitly states that these issues are important to him because he was born here. Linguistically, to me, this parallels the growth of reggae into reggae in Spanish into reggaeton. Nothing lives in a vacuum, especially not art. 

I have pasted the lyrics below (spanish than english via google translator). I am missing some parts, unfortunately, and I am too lazy to edit the English translation but you get the idea. 

It is a social commentary on contemporary Panama and its problems through a traditional Caribbean form of music, Calypso, in Spanish.  Also note the intergenerational enjoyment of this song and its message. Clearly the kids are into it! These traditions are not dead. They change. They adapt. and they will only survive if people are willing to accept these shifts (language, content) and share them rather than simply feel nostalgia for the old days and let them live in memory alone. 

Yo tengo una preocupación por la situación en la nación

muchas casas condenao’s

-------------------------- (¿ a bajo vive la’o a la’o?)

aguas negras en el callejón, los peleítas llenos de infección

cuando vas al hospital, el servicio es igual

la doctora me da veinte recetas para que vayas a la botica

pero cómo tú vas a la botica?

si en tu bolsillo no hay plata

[Coro]

Panamá no era así

Panamá tiene que progresar

Eso es lo que me preocupa a mí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Mira cómo andan por ahí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Después no va a la ------ poco para mí

Panamá tiene que progresar

La gente no tienen compasión

Perdieron su consideración

Esposa peleando con esposo

Amigo acuchillando amigo

Están cogidos con el odio

Eso te lo digo yo

Están domina’o por el demonio

Y hermano matando a su hermano

[Coro]

Panamá no era así

Panamá tiene que progresar

Si estás de acuerdo, dime que sí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Después no va la ----poco para mí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Ahora no hay trabajo

Ni aumento de sueldo

El alto costo de la vida

No tenemos una buena vivienda

Y si seguimos viviendo así

Seguro nos vamo’ a morir

Y sin un punto de vacilón

La gente rebuscando en el vagón

[coro]

Panamá no era así

Panamá tiene que progresar

Si estás de acuerdo dime que si

Panamá tiene que progresar

Después no --- la vida poco para mí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Porque yo nací aquí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Vamos a hablar de educación

Aquí en Panamá no hay fundación

Maestra con mini falda en el salón

En mi opinión eso es provocación

Demasiado demente

Profesor enamorando estudiante

Eso hay que acabar

Cosas así hay que terminar

[Coro]

Panamá no era así

Panamá tiene que progresar

Eso es lo que me preocupa a mí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Mira cómo andan por ahí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Esa generación atrás de nosotros

Son atrevidos y peligrosos

Son juveniles delincuentes

No respetan gobierno ni pariente

Un niño de doce años

Caminando con revólver en su mano

Y si tú tratas de aconsejar

Seguro, seguro te va a matar

[Coro]

Panamá no era así

Panamá tiene que progresar

Si estás de acuerdo dime que si

Panamá tiene que progresar

Mira, mira cómo andan ahí

Panamá tiene que progresar

Panamá tiene que progresar

Muchas gracias para la gente

Panamá tiene que progresar

Gracias

____________________________

I have a concern about the situation in the nation 
many homes condemned-------------------------- (?Low-lives La'o La'o?)
sewage into the alley, full of infection peleítas
when you go to hospital, the service is equal
Doctor gives twenty prescriptions for me to go to the pharmacy
but how do you go to the pharmacy?
if in your pocket no money

[Chorus]Panama was not so
Panama has to progress
That's what worries mePanama has to progress
See how out there
Panama has to progress
Then do not go to little for me ------
Panama has to progress

People have no compassion
Lost account
Wife fighting with husband
Friend stabbing friend
They are caught with hatred
I tell you thatDomina'o are demon
And brother killing his brother

[Chorus]Panama was not so - Panama has to progress
If you agree, tell me yes-  Panama has to progress
Then there is the little to me ----Panama has to progress


Now there is no work Or raise
The high cost of living
We have a good home
And if we live like
Sure we let 'to die
And without a point vacilón
People looking in the car


[Chorus]Panama was not so- Panama has to progress
If you agree say yes- Panama has to progress
After short life --- not for me Panama has to progress
Because I was born here- Panama has to progress

Let's talk about education 
Here in Panama there is no foundation
Mini skirt teacher in the classroom
In my opinion this is provocation
Too insane Falling in love with student teacher
That must be stopped
Such things must end

[Chorus]Panama was not so- Panama has to progress
That's what worries me- Panama has to progress
See how out there- Panama has to progress

The generation behind us
They are daring and dangerous
Juvenile offenders are
They do not respect government or relative
A twelve year old boy 
Walking with gun in his hand
And if you try to advise
Sure, sure gonna kill you

[Chorus]Panama was not so- Panama has to progress
If you agree say yes - Panama has to progress
Look, look how are therePanama has to progress
Panama has to progress
Thank you very much for people Panama has to progress
Thanks

don't drink the water!!!

If I never told you, Panama's water is drinkable right from the tap! No risk of parasites (Cuba) or lead poisoning (DC!)

For some reason, I do not like the water in my new city. It tastes.... dirty. As a lover of water, I am perplexed. How can I make it taste better? I tried boiling it first, don't ask me why. It just seemed like something to try lol. I guess I will try a Brita next. The last, and highly undesirable, option is to buy water.

I drank the tap water in Panama (and quietly I drank it in Cuba too, with and without the use of my steri-pen. shhh) I refuse (for now) to buy water in the US when I did not buy it abroad!

new city water: do better! or a concerned citizen can send me back to Panama. whichever.

ok. back to typing my notes.

I miss you, Panama!

I went to a Fulbright reception tonight at the Panamanian ambassador to the US's residence. nice house!!!

My name tag had my name (duh) and "2009 Fulbright student alumna" The 2009 is misleading because that was the year of selection and departure, but I just came back! anyway here is a funny conversation (this was in Spanish) between me and the ambassador's wife, Pilar Aleman (PA)

PA: Are you Panamanian?
me: on my father's side, yes
PA: How wonderful. There are so many Panamanian Fulbrighters.
me: Oh? I haven't seen any others yet. I would love to meet them
PA: You didn't meet them before?
me: Well we are from all over so I didn't know there would be others in DC
PA: Yes yes, we invited you all to DC. Do you already live here?
me: Yes, I live in Maryland. I go to American University
PA: oh wonderful, for how long will you be here?
me:  Here in DC?
PA: yes.
me: Until I finish my dissertation, but I would like to stay here indefinitely
PA: oh wonderful. It is a great city, isn't it? When did you arrive?
me: to the reception?
PA: no to DC
me: oh I just came back last week
PA: back? from Panama?
me: yes.
PA: Oh I came back last night! How long were you there?
me: 11 months
PA: what? 11 months?
me: yes. I stayed an extra month
PA: Before arriving in the US?
me: yes, before coming back to DC
PA: *looking at me suspiciously * Coming back? where are you from?
me: Massachusetts, but I moved to DC when I finished undergrad.
PA: undergrad where?
me: At Duke. I actually wrote to your husband when I was in Panama because he was listed as the president for the Duke Club
PA:  oh Duke!! he will love you! Let's go meet him. But wait, you are Panamanian?
me: on my father's side.
PA: where were you born?
me: In Massachusetts.
PA: you speak Spanish! I thought you were a Panamanian Fulbrighter! oh I was confused.
me: I am confused! lol I won a Fulbright. I was in Panama for 11 months. I just came back last week
PA: *laughing* no! I thought you were a Panamanian studying in the US!

hmmmm maybe that wasn't as funny in the retelling lol but once I realized who she thought I was, it was funny that we were having two totally different conversations with each other. t hee hee.

Soooo no name tag distinction was made between US Fulbrighters who studied in Panama and Panamanian Fulbrighters in the US. I was in a similar conversation speaking in Spanish to Panamanian Fulbrighters studying in the US lol.  Fulbright really did pay for others to come to the reception from NY, NJ, NC among other states. I gave my email address to one of the girls studying at Rutgers, just in case she wanted to come back to DC to visit and needed a place to stay.

anyway.

Senator Fulbright's widow was there as well as many higher ups from the State Department, other government agencies and universities. Look at me, sharing breathing room with Washington elite lol.

I was able to meet  and speak with American University's Director for the center of Latin American and Latino studies. The center just opened in January so it is still new and full of potential.

fun fact: the ambassador is a proud Duke alum! who hoo and fomer president of the Duke Club of Panama.

The house, with its scenes from Panama, made me miss the country even more. Talking to the Panamanian Fulbrighters in the US made me miss Panama. *sigh * so many things make me miss Panama.

Panama, I miss you.

the view from the top of Cerro Ancon! I climbed it on my last day