I know I said I would write about Portobelo, but I keep adding to the story so you are going to have to wait. Also, my apartment tour video has been uploading all day... Something tells me... it will not be featured on this blog any time soon.
Anyway
Like most people who learn Spanish in school, I have problems with the subjunctive. My teacher and I were talking about the imperfect preterite and the... ummm... preterito pluscuamperfecto (however you might say that in English...) and she asked what examples I knew. or when I have used it in the past. Sadly, and much to her amusement, these were the examples I gave:
Si no te hubieras ido seria tan feliz...lo extrano mas que nunca y no se que hacer...
translation: if you hadn't left, I would be so happy. I miss him more than ever and I don't know what to do (the song says "I miss you more than ever" but I was having fun. t hee hee)
I spoke normally, as if it were a real sentence and she just stared at me LOL like... when did you use this?????? and why??? are you ok???
She looked puzzled and concerned so I kept it moving. I sang the second one and she caught on and started dying laughing.
"si yo tuviera un palacio, alli serias la reina... Porque tu me tienes loco, mija, con esos ojitos lindos!"
translation: if I had a palace, you would be the queen because you drive me crazy with those pretty eyes.
si tu estuvieras, se que mi mundo seria diferente....tendria el destino mi mundo en su suerte y volverian sueños de primaveeeeraaaaaa
translation: if you were here, I know my world would be different. I can't think of a coherent translation for this part so whomp whomp sorry lol and dreams of springtime would return.
sorry for those who don't get it, but these are all songs. (Marco Antonio Solis, Tego Calderon, and Los Toros Band)
By the third one she sang along. We shared a little bachata, then got down to the grammar of it all.
good times, good times.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
apartment video tour!
it won't let me upload it!!! :(
apparently my camera records in HD or something? i don't know. I think it is more advanced than I am, but I will keep trying...
apparently my camera records in HD or something? i don't know. I think it is more advanced than I am, but I will keep trying...
Monday, October 26, 2009
ay pero Ariana, que estas haciendo?
I haven’t written in a while, sorry. To be honest, I wasn’t certain that anyone was reading this. But apparently you are! Thanks!
Well, as far as the apartment goes, I am uploading a video now. It’s not that I do not like the apartment. The stove, people tell me to suck it up. For me the issue is not so much the physical inconvenience of the lighter, but instead the fact that something CAN be done and thus far it has not been handled. Also, this is an English speaking apartment. The lady who owns it, and who is now here [table that for a second], does not speak Spanish. At all. So now I understand why she consults her American friends before the powers that be. However, this is exactly what I did not want. I am an English speaker, but I still enjoy Casos Cerrados and 12 corazones, los Simpsons, the local news and other tv shows in Spanish. She doesn’t understand anything so it is cnn all the time. That is irritating. And I also see that she decorated for herself. Makes sense. She curled up the first night on that hard wooden porch swing with its piece of cushion that does not cover the length of the seat to watch tv. To each her own. : )
So yeah, she just showed up one day with her four large suitcases. Surprise! A little notice would have been nice, but I suppose she wanted to catch me in my element. I don’t blame her, really. That is something I would do. If ever I complained about being alone, I take it back lol. I had my system, my habits, my space. Now I must share, compromise, and concede when necessary. Bah. She is cool people. I don’t want t give a false impression. [I have retreated into my room though. Wireless router was my best purchase yet! She is a talker. I can’t imagine living in a country where you do not speak the language and thus do not talk to many people each day. Although I only have about 2 friends who are not family members lol I enjoy my random conversations with the cab drivers, the waiters, other walkers, etc. I don’t have a tv in my room though so I need to figure out the tv schedule so I can schedule my ‘share time’.]
I am sorry that I am coming off as very lonely here. I am not lonely in any sad way. It is just an adjustment to not have people needing things from me, coming in and out, calling me, talking to me, texting me, or just wanting to talk. I didn’t know what to do with all of this quiet time. But trust me; I have many ways to fill it!
Which is a nice segue into: what do I do with myself??
1. Spanish class. Yay! My teacher and I have a lot of fun. We have only had 3 classes since I took off last Wednesday to Portobelo (next entry I promise) but she brings me events and bulletins relevant to my research, not as part of the lesson but just as FYI stuff. I really appreciate that, especially the article she gave me about Arnuflo Arias’ sterilization of West Indian males in the 1940s during his brother’s presidency. I knew Arias to be a raging racist during his own presidency, but I did not know about this. Anyway, I like my classes. I do some exercises to learn grammar rules (if you know me, you know I LOVE grammar) and improve my writing.
2. Research: I am still waiting for my IRB approval= no interviews yet. No such process exists in Panama so I get some odd looks when I describe what the process is in the US for working with human subjects. Since I plan to use the Internet for data collection, am working abroad, am using participant observation and want the right to use this data for future publications without re-obtaining consent from everyone, I had to fill out some extra forms.
They commented on my initial application, I made revisions, and am now waiting for the verdict! In the meantime, I am constructing my survey on surveymonkey.com in English and Spanish, meeting with people and organizations that can help me make contacts for interviews and who work with Antillanos in Panama. I take a lot of fieldnotes about what I saw, learned, etc for the day so I write a lot.
3. READ. Yay! I read Graham Greene’s End of the Affair in my first days here (loved it!), but now I am reading Luna Verde, then Gamboa Road Gang, two classic Panamanian novels dealing with the Canal Zone. I thought I read that Luna Verde was banned in English in the US for a while. Not sure. I also found some GREAT articles by Panamanian scholars from the National library’s website, so I have a lot of background reading to do.
This is long so I will conclude with some fun facts
My hair has been curly since before I left the DMV (DC-MD-VA)
I have a deep tan… and it is winter here.
Dunkin Donuts has dulce de leche and guayaba donuts. They are just as delicious as they sound.
Michael Jackson movie preview day tomorrow!! I have to get my ticket!
I am doing well, I promise. Miss you! *lemme find the apt tour*
Well, as far as the apartment goes, I am uploading a video now. It’s not that I do not like the apartment. The stove, people tell me to suck it up. For me the issue is not so much the physical inconvenience of the lighter, but instead the fact that something CAN be done and thus far it has not been handled. Also, this is an English speaking apartment. The lady who owns it, and who is now here [table that for a second], does not speak Spanish. At all. So now I understand why she consults her American friends before the powers that be. However, this is exactly what I did not want. I am an English speaker, but I still enjoy Casos Cerrados and 12 corazones, los Simpsons, the local news and other tv shows in Spanish. She doesn’t understand anything so it is cnn all the time. That is irritating. And I also see that she decorated for herself. Makes sense. She curled up the first night on that hard wooden porch swing with its piece of cushion that does not cover the length of the seat to watch tv. To each her own. : )
So yeah, she just showed up one day with her four large suitcases. Surprise! A little notice would have been nice, but I suppose she wanted to catch me in my element. I don’t blame her, really. That is something I would do. If ever I complained about being alone, I take it back lol. I had my system, my habits, my space. Now I must share, compromise, and concede when necessary. Bah. She is cool people. I don’t want t give a false impression. [I have retreated into my room though. Wireless router was my best purchase yet! She is a talker. I can’t imagine living in a country where you do not speak the language and thus do not talk to many people each day. Although I only have about 2 friends who are not family members lol I enjoy my random conversations with the cab drivers, the waiters, other walkers, etc. I don’t have a tv in my room though so I need to figure out the tv schedule so I can schedule my ‘share time’.]
I am sorry that I am coming off as very lonely here. I am not lonely in any sad way. It is just an adjustment to not have people needing things from me, coming in and out, calling me, talking to me, texting me, or just wanting to talk. I didn’t know what to do with all of this quiet time. But trust me; I have many ways to fill it!
Which is a nice segue into: what do I do with myself??
1. Spanish class. Yay! My teacher and I have a lot of fun. We have only had 3 classes since I took off last Wednesday to Portobelo (next entry I promise) but she brings me events and bulletins relevant to my research, not as part of the lesson but just as FYI stuff. I really appreciate that, especially the article she gave me about Arnuflo Arias’ sterilization of West Indian males in the 1940s during his brother’s presidency. I knew Arias to be a raging racist during his own presidency, but I did not know about this. Anyway, I like my classes. I do some exercises to learn grammar rules (if you know me, you know I LOVE grammar) and improve my writing.
2. Research: I am still waiting for my IRB approval= no interviews yet. No such process exists in Panama so I get some odd looks when I describe what the process is in the US for working with human subjects. Since I plan to use the Internet for data collection, am working abroad, am using participant observation and want the right to use this data for future publications without re-obtaining consent from everyone, I had to fill out some extra forms.
They commented on my initial application, I made revisions, and am now waiting for the verdict! In the meantime, I am constructing my survey on surveymonkey.com in English and Spanish, meeting with people and organizations that can help me make contacts for interviews and who work with Antillanos in Panama. I take a lot of fieldnotes about what I saw, learned, etc for the day so I write a lot.
3. READ. Yay! I read Graham Greene’s End of the Affair in my first days here (loved it!), but now I am reading Luna Verde, then Gamboa Road Gang, two classic Panamanian novels dealing with the Canal Zone. I thought I read that Luna Verde was banned in English in the US for a while. Not sure. I also found some GREAT articles by Panamanian scholars from the National library’s website, so I have a lot of background reading to do.
This is long so I will conclude with some fun facts
My hair has been curly since before I left the DMV (DC-MD-VA)
I have a deep tan… and it is winter here.
Dunkin Donuts has dulce de leche and guayaba donuts. They are just as delicious as they sound.
Michael Jackson movie preview day tomorrow!! I have to get my ticket!
I am doing well, I promise. Miss you! *lemme find the apt tour*
Monday, October 19, 2009
should I stay or go?
ok I am trying to upload this video of my apartment but it is not working.
I am trying to decide if I should stay in this apartment or look for something else.
Pros: It is a big space. I am comfortable in this neighborhood. I feel safe here. I am usually alone. I know people who live very close if I ever need anything. I can go walking on the cinta costera every morning for exercise. There are a lot of restaurants and entertainment in walking distance. I live in a bougie neighborhood so for what I am paying, this is a deal.
Cons: I am usually alone. I have to lite the stove with a lighter. I sleep on a twin bed. Although I am not far from things, I am not in the center of the city, either. There is no comfortable place to sit!!!! This is a big CON for me. I will spend a lot of time writing notes, reviewing interviews, and reading. I am currently sitting on a hard folding chair. I bought a wireless router so I can work in my room, but sitting on a bed is not that comfortable either and my room is small compared to other rooms in the apt. The sofas you saw are wicker and the cushions are "firm" to say the least. In the media room, where the tv is, there is a wooden porch swing with a cushion that does not even cover the length of the swing. *sigh* I should be comfortable at home, no???
I do not want to sound like a princess, but I am paying to be here. This place is not free. This will be (I think) my last time spending a significant amount of time in another country. This is my dissertation research! I want to have everything I need as I need it to facilitate my research process. I kind of feel like I am settling by staying here... but is the grass really greener somewhere else?? I would have to pay more money for more comfort. Vale la pena??
opinions needed.
I am trying to decide if I should stay in this apartment or look for something else.
Pros: It is a big space. I am comfortable in this neighborhood. I feel safe here. I am usually alone. I know people who live very close if I ever need anything. I can go walking on the cinta costera every morning for exercise. There are a lot of restaurants and entertainment in walking distance. I live in a bougie neighborhood so for what I am paying, this is a deal.
Cons: I am usually alone. I have to lite the stove with a lighter. I sleep on a twin bed. Although I am not far from things, I am not in the center of the city, either. There is no comfortable place to sit!!!! This is a big CON for me. I will spend a lot of time writing notes, reviewing interviews, and reading. I am currently sitting on a hard folding chair. I bought a wireless router so I can work in my room, but sitting on a bed is not that comfortable either and my room is small compared to other rooms in the apt. The sofas you saw are wicker and the cushions are "firm" to say the least. In the media room, where the tv is, there is a wooden porch swing with a cushion that does not even cover the length of the swing. *sigh* I should be comfortable at home, no???
I do not want to sound like a princess, but I am paying to be here. This place is not free. This will be (I think) my last time spending a significant amount of time in another country. This is my dissertation research! I want to have everything I need as I need it to facilitate my research process. I kind of feel like I am settling by staying here... but is the grass really greener somewhere else?? I would have to pay more money for more comfort. Vale la pena??
opinions needed.
Friday, October 16, 2009
para dominar el idioma espanol!
I start my Spanish classes on Monday.
Two of my family members said I don't need to take spanish classes; one asked why I think I need to. I am perfectly fine having simple conversations and I definitely speak well enough to get by. That others believe in my ability to successfully perform my research with my current skills is flattering. However, I don't want to "get by".
My discipline is an interview and participant observation based field. My project is about talking to people, earning their confidence and placing their (sometimes deeply) personal narratives into a larger social context. Discourse analysis is one of my favorite tools of analysis and it would be detrimental to my project if people feel that they need to change how they speak so that I can better understand what they are trying to say. The words people choose, the tone of voice, the cadence, the manner of speaking- all of these things are important. Also, I want to have the fluidity not only of language, but also confidence, to be able to respond appropriately. My problem really is not understanding; it is responding.
I also want to work on my writing. I would LOVE to be able to publish something in Spanish. How amazing would that be??
My need is great, especially here. In Cuba, I had to speak Spanish all day every day- at meetings, in the house, tv was in Spanish, the radio, almost everything. My Spanish definitely improved. Here in Panama I have to work harder. Many people speak English. Signs are in English. I can watch American tv and listen to English language American music all day if I want to. I need the extra umph!
sooooo I signed up for private lessons so I can maximize my time and money. The classes will take place at their language center rather than in my apartment so I get to learn a busier part of the city and can easily take advantage of the extra perks the center offers (trips, tickets to shows, access to foreigners that I might want to interview for my dissertation lol)
Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 2 hrs each day I will be dominando espanol!!
Two of my family members said I don't need to take spanish classes; one asked why I think I need to. I am perfectly fine having simple conversations and I definitely speak well enough to get by. That others believe in my ability to successfully perform my research with my current skills is flattering. However, I don't want to "get by".
My discipline is an interview and participant observation based field. My project is about talking to people, earning their confidence and placing their (sometimes deeply) personal narratives into a larger social context. Discourse analysis is one of my favorite tools of analysis and it would be detrimental to my project if people feel that they need to change how they speak so that I can better understand what they are trying to say. The words people choose, the tone of voice, the cadence, the manner of speaking- all of these things are important. Also, I want to have the fluidity not only of language, but also confidence, to be able to respond appropriately. My problem really is not understanding; it is responding.
I also want to work on my writing. I would LOVE to be able to publish something in Spanish. How amazing would that be??
My need is great, especially here. In Cuba, I had to speak Spanish all day every day- at meetings, in the house, tv was in Spanish, the radio, almost everything. My Spanish definitely improved. Here in Panama I have to work harder. Many people speak English. Signs are in English. I can watch American tv and listen to English language American music all day if I want to. I need the extra umph!
sooooo I signed up for private lessons so I can maximize my time and money. The classes will take place at their language center rather than in my apartment so I get to learn a busier part of the city and can easily take advantage of the extra perks the center offers (trips, tickets to shows, access to foreigners that I might want to interview for my dissertation lol)
Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 2 hrs each day I will be dominando espanol!!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
la anoranza
I emailed my Cubans yesterday to say I am not visiting any time soon. Today, to escape from the rain I popped into a random store on Via Argentina. Guess what it was?
....
...
guess!
...
ok fine. It was a Cuban store that sold music, books, cigars and such. I made small talk with the one man who works there, perused a few Nicolas Guillen books, smelled a few cigars, felt warm tinglies as well as bitter tinglies and went on my way. I know of a Cuban bar near Via Espana where I can get Havana Club. mmmm. Maybe next time. Panama is nice. Much more comfortable than Havana in terms of living. But there is that twinge for the familiar. For me, Havana is familiar.
Also, I have to remember that here in Panama people say "papaya" and not "fruta bomba" as they do in Cuba. Papaya means something else in Cuba. You can consult google if you are so interested. This is not THAT type of blog. t hee hee.
....
...
guess!
...
ok fine. It was a Cuban store that sold music, books, cigars and such. I made small talk with the one man who works there, perused a few Nicolas Guillen books, smelled a few cigars, felt warm tinglies as well as bitter tinglies and went on my way. I know of a Cuban bar near Via Espana where I can get Havana Club. mmmm. Maybe next time. Panama is nice. Much more comfortable than Havana in terms of living. But there is that twinge for the familiar. For me, Havana is familiar.
Also, I have to remember that here in Panama people say "papaya" and not "fruta bomba" as they do in Cuba. Papaya means something else in Cuba. You can consult google if you are so interested. This is not THAT type of blog. t hee hee.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
las manchas de la habana
So I realized today that I don't have any friends here!! I have my family, of course, but that will only take me so far. A few people have asked me if I have gone out, and the answer is no. :-(
I live next to a movie theater, bennigans (lol), bowling alley and bar with a (se dice) beautiful view of the city. This place. Who would I go out with? no one. nadie. As smiley as I might be in the U.S. I do not talk to anyone here without a reason. And thus far, my only reasons for speaking to strangers is to thank them for ringing up my purchase or to set up an academic meeting lol.
Although piropos are not as obnoxious here as they are in Cuba, I do not even turn when I hear someone whistle or call "joven," "linda" or whatever. (I hope they aren't trying to tell me something important lol)
what do I mean by stains? I do not trust anyone. At all. In my mind, everyone is a bad story just waiting to happen. Everyone is a potential thief or liar just looking to befriend me. I have to start talking to SOME people or else I am condemned to life as a spectator sport. No bueno.
yes, I realize it has only been a week and a half and I should not go around talking to every random person on the street lol. But admitting I have a problem is step one. Making some friends is step 2.
I am going to try to take some dance classes. I am looking for baile tipico, but would settle for salsa. I do not want to join too many things that will take away from my academic obligations, so I will look for activities one at a time and see what comes of them.
In the meantime, come visit me so I can go out. thanks. :-)
I live next to a movie theater, bennigans (lol), bowling alley and bar with a (se dice) beautiful view of the city. This place. Who would I go out with? no one. nadie. As smiley as I might be in the U.S. I do not talk to anyone here without a reason. And thus far, my only reasons for speaking to strangers is to thank them for ringing up my purchase or to set up an academic meeting lol.
Although piropos are not as obnoxious here as they are in Cuba, I do not even turn when I hear someone whistle or call "joven," "linda" or whatever. (I hope they aren't trying to tell me something important lol)
what do I mean by stains? I do not trust anyone. At all. In my mind, everyone is a bad story just waiting to happen. Everyone is a potential thief or liar just looking to befriend me. I have to start talking to SOME people or else I am condemned to life as a spectator sport. No bueno.
yes, I realize it has only been a week and a half and I should not go around talking to every random person on the street lol. But admitting I have a problem is step one. Making some friends is step 2.
I am going to try to take some dance classes. I am looking for baile tipico, but would settle for salsa. I do not want to join too many things that will take away from my academic obligations, so I will look for activities one at a time and see what comes of them.
In the meantime, come visit me so I can go out. thanks. :-)
Monday, October 12, 2009
disheartened.
here I am at Playa Blanca! I went with my cousins, but they are not featured in any pictures because they were working on getting the house in order while I went to frolic on the beach. black sand! how pretty. I uploaded an album on facebook for those interested.
__________________________________________________________
I will update on what I have been doing here, I promise. Just not today.
Today is a day of disappointment that I am sharing with you all.
I like to travel. I like knowing that in a few months, I will temporarily be somewhere else! My constant need for temporary movement is an issue too profound to explore right now lol, but it seems as though I will not be leaving Panama as often as I thought.
1. My dean is getting married next month in PR. (un)fortunately, her wedding is the same day as my cousin's 90th birthday party here in Panama. I am not sad about attending the party! I am just bummed that two amazing things are happening simultaneously.
2. Fulbright has a regional retreat for all Central American Fulbrighters. They pay for all of us to get together and receive training or something in one country in the region. I was hoping for Nicaragua! Of course, everyone hopes it is NOT in their country. Free trip! whomp whooomp. This year's Fulbright retreat is in Panama. doh! Everyone at the embassy was so excited when they told me...and there I was with my face of disappointment. They promised it would be great-- we would go to a beach sort or el valle or somewhere amazing. *sigh* I am sure it will be great. I just wanted to go somewhere else. for free lol.
3. I still have Cuba in February I thought to myself... until I opened my email this morning and found that the study abroad program is not going as they want it to, my (former) boss is too busy to attend the conference (among other reasons) and therefore, AU will not be paying for me to travel to Cuba in February. *sigh* How sad. In reality, I could ask the University of Havana to invite me if I really wanted to go... but I would have to pay for it myself!
I really have made a successful career traveling on other people's money. My only consolation is that I have agreed to be part of the embassy's rural outreach program. I will travel to at least one province in Panama and talk to students about my research project, Fulbright, other opportunities to study abroad and other programs the embassy offers. It will probably be a day trip, but whatever. I'll take it!
sidenote: It is nice to be in a country where there is a fully functioning embassy and it is not considered an affront to the host country to work with them. I am enjoying the cultural affairs office.
ok. off to see about a PO Box. and maybe to see how I can get this stove to work. Who knows about pilots?? help me! I don't want to live off of take out.
hasta la proxima mi gente. :-)
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
my living room
I took this picture this morning. Isn't it beautiful?? I am not sure if I can upload multiple pictures into this blog. I am trying... and failing lol. I will do a video tour so everyone can see where I live.
Doesn't this look like an ad??
Monday, October 5, 2009
aqui estoy en Panama linda
Hiiiiii
I arrived here in Panama last night. My cousin picked me up from the airport and I am currently writing from her beautiful terrace. I haven't gone to my apartment yet; I stayed here at her house last night.
My trip was uneventful. I slept on one flight. I grabbed Chipotle in atl and almost missed my flight to Panama. We watched Ice Age 2 and an episode of 30 rock on the plane.
My bags were severely overweight and since I am a spoiled brat, my parents paid my overweight charges for me. As a going away present, my mom lent me her huge black Coach bag (I think it is called a manhattan portage bag? It holds everything!) that I think should be mine. I used it for about 3 years before I was forced to give it back. Since it is borrowed, she believes lending me this bag will ensure my return to the US. bwahaha. If my life here will be anything like it is now (blogging from the sunny beautiful terrace, sipping coffee and eating a banana) I might not return. jk
I was sad to leave and teared up a bit. But the sun, flowers, and coffee are slowly melting that away!
vamos a ver.
I arrived here in Panama last night. My cousin picked me up from the airport and I am currently writing from her beautiful terrace. I haven't gone to my apartment yet; I stayed here at her house last night.
My trip was uneventful. I slept on one flight. I grabbed Chipotle in atl and almost missed my flight to Panama. We watched Ice Age 2 and an episode of 30 rock on the plane.
My bags were severely overweight and since I am a spoiled brat, my parents paid my overweight charges for me. As a going away present, my mom lent me her huge black Coach bag (I think it is called a manhattan portage bag? It holds everything!) that I think should be mine. I used it for about 3 years before I was forced to give it back. Since it is borrowed, she believes lending me this bag will ensure my return to the US. bwahaha. If my life here will be anything like it is now (blogging from the sunny beautiful terrace, sipping coffee and eating a banana) I might not return. jk
I was sad to leave and teared up a bit. But the sun, flowers, and coffee are slowly melting that away!
vamos a ver.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
and like that *poof* I am gone.
The time has finally arrived! I am leaving tomorrow. next message will be from my fly apartment in Punta Paitilla, Panama.
hasta la proxima mi gente!
hasta la proxima mi gente!
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