no fear. no fear. no fear.ummmm I am scared!

I have agreed to do the thing that terrifies me most. details to come... (any guesses??)

Turn in your guns for food.

"I grew up in Chorillo. I love Chorillo. But after the invasion I had to leave. For my family's safety I had to leave. All of these gangs, the drugs, the guns. I could not raise my family there anymore. People in the streets have better guns than the police. That is what the invasion did. It changed my home. Yo soy de la base! soy basista. but I had to leave...." - from one of my interviews

from today's edition of la prensa (I put it int google translator)

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LOCAL

Start the program "Change your weapon and ammunition for food '

Writing prensa.com
internet@prensa.com

8:01 a.m. - This morning started the "Change your weapon and ammunition for food" on 25th Street Chorrillo in the church of Our Lady of Fatima. 

At the site, maintained tight security. Proof of this is that staff of the Explosives Unit of the National Police made a preliminary inspection of the church to ensure protection for people who come to the place. 

The authorities have reiterated that when people come to surrender their weapons or ammunition are not going to ask questions or challenge. Meanwhile, the media should leave the area to keep absolutely confidential the identity of those individuals. 

After verifying the arms or ammunition, people will be given vouchers to make purchases of food and medicine in any supermarket. 

The weapons are delivered confidentially-in ceremony will be inventoried and destroyed, except those which have been stolen, to be returned to their owners after checking with the Public Ministry.

Zonians- the group they love to hate

Zonian= someone from the (former) Panama Canal Zone

Canal Zone Map with names

When I first proposed this project, I did not make geographical distinctions for people of "West Indian descent". I was thinking solely about where people landed and and not where they came from. Big mistake and one which I thankfully rectified soon after arriving.  Rather than interviewing about 30 people of "West Indian descent" I have broken that group into three parts: people who grew up in Panama (City), people who grew up in the Canal Zone, and people who grew up in Colon.  It makes much more sense to do it this way and I believe this distinctions has made my interviews richer in detail.  Of note: the group that still lacks interviews is people who grew up in the Canal Zone. As many of them live in the US, I already have 4 interviews lined up when I return!

People who grew up in Panama and Colon have expressed a disdain, or distaste, for Black people who grew up in the Panama Canal Zone.  Here are some examples:

ME: Remember last time before I left but we didn’t really talk about it n the interview, you started talking a little bit about Zonians and the relationship you had with them

E: Oh lord! My husband was inside here listening. And when you were gone he was totally ticked off! (E's husband was raised in Panama City. E is from Colon) We all talk about Zonians! The Zonians are just regular West Indian people. Had settled on the Canal Zone and because they live in the Canal Zone and they were living like mostly under the American government, they all thought they were better than the other blacks. The other West Indians,  the ones that weren’t living in the Canal Zone. Canal Zone people always thought they were IT. Cream of the crop. But the difference is, in Colon, the Zonians in Colon, yes they had one or two of them that could have acted like that, but they Zonians in Colon acted completely different than the Zonians in Panama. 

Until today, especially if they come from Parrisssssó. Everyone . No. they did not say Paraíso. Parissssssssó. Everyone comes from Parissssssó. They think that they are something special. That is why they have the bunch of class reunions and things. I don’t go to it.  I went to a couple of them because my brother in law is from Parissssssó. So like one day at the class reunion, you go to patronize him because he sell tickets and whatnot. But I don’t like to go to their stuff. I don’t like to be around them! I don’t like to be--- even though I have a lot of friends that are from the Canal Zone, but when they all get together, it is like you are an outcast. You are an outsider. You are not a Zonian. You are not from Parisssssó especially.

______
(N was born and raised in Panama City)

N: The West Indian community that exists in Panama I believe is losing a lot of the community practices. And those who have tried a little to do something and mantain this spirit is SAMAAP (the society of friends of the afro-Antillean museum of Panama).  But that group is a little closed. Because SAMAAP (long pause) there are a lot of  (long pause) ex-Zonians that have another (laughing), that lived in another world.  That lived in un apartheid (laughing).  They had their own apartheid there. and I feel that really they never understood what it was to live here in Panama. And some that live in Panama still have their Zonian mentality...

Original text: [La comunidad antillana que existe en Panamá creo que ya se han perdido mucho de la práctica de lo que es la comunidad. Y lo que han tratado un poquito de hacer algo y como que mantener ese espíritu es SAMAAP. Pero también es un poco cerrado. Porque SAMAAP (long pause) hay muchos (long pause) exZonians que tienen otro… (laughing).. que vivieron en otro mundo. Que vivieron en un apartheid. (laughing) Ellos tenían su propio apartheid alli.  Y yo siento que realmente ellos nunca entendieron lo que era vivir acá en Panamá. Y algunos que viven en Panamá, todavía tienen su mentalidad lo que era la Zona, y la Zona del Canal...]

hair growth. beach evidence

One day in July 2009 I was bored. I saw some scissors. I gave myself a pretty drastic hair cut. I immediately regretted that decision.

I came to Panama and decided that this heat would just not support my straight hair. so curly all day every day it was!  I trim it pretty often to keep it healthy. Here I am in my first ever trip to Playa Blanca In October 2009.

This past weekend might have been my last trip to Playa Blanca. That depends on my work and Nelly's plans lol but look how much my hair has grown!! go hair go!

THE END.

greetings from the beach!

It is an overcast morning so I am taking advantage and transcribing little anecdotes from various interviews. Rest assured they will be posted here in due time. Now that I have more written and comparable material, maybe I will start posting various quotes thematically! Anyway, enough about work. I am here to make you jealous if you are not at the beach. Here are a few pictures from yesterday.

I walked on the beach in the morning.  Stayed at the beach in the afternoon. Came back to the apartment. Finished my Allende book (Of Love and Shadows). Did a few transcriptions. Walked on the beach at night.

 *sigh* how can I leave this behind?? Who has a beach house in the DC area to where I can escape?

on being Panamanian, two women's stories.

I located my birth certificate! Beyond just being freaked out that I had lost the original copy of my birth certificate, I was sad that I would not be able to get a cedula (Panamanian ID card). If it does take 30 days, I am not cutting it VERY close, as my friend E told me today that I have 40 days left here. *sad face*

sidenote: the other day an interviewee told me I need to "hurry up and get my cedula before I turn 18." she thought I was under 18? really? how can I leave this place??  lol

Being Panamanian, or "Panamanian" has made this project easier, in my opinion. I really cannot think of anyone on this country who has not smiled at me or accepted me as part of the "us" after learning that my father is Panamanian... and even better, that I have family here. The warmth I have received from scholars, interviewees, taxi drivers, and family members made my transition much smoother. And will make my departure much more difficult. I feel very comfortable here not just in my work, but as a person living in this country.  I came back to  Panama after an emotional week in the US in May to emails welcoming me "home."  Although I speak Spanish slowly and with an American accent, I have always felt feel included.

Sometimes people think I am a Panamanian who has lived too long in the US. Sometimes they think I was born here, raised there. Some think I was born and raised here, but to English speaking parents (or at least one English speaking parent) One taxi driver angrily asked me, in reference to my accent, "what are you?! half American?!!" He really did yell at me lol. de hecho... Yes I am. Thanks for asking.

When I went to Miraflores observation center with Fenaba during her visit, one of the tour guides remembered me from our Fulbright visit! He kept calling me Miss Panama and claiming that I spoke better Spanish than he did (totally untrue lol), telling me to come say goodbye before I leave for good, or rather that I should just stay forever lol.  Granted there were only 2 black women in our Fulbright group (that is for another day!)... but  I can't imagine how many visitors that center receives and 2 months after our visit he still remembered me on site. That is how Panama has been to me. warm. welcoming.

I am treated BETTER because I am Panamanian.

So it surprised me to hear a different story. Below is an excerpt from an interview. I recognize that this woman and I use the city completely differently, that we occupy two different economic classes, different age brackets, and that we are here for different reasons. These differences matter. I still think it is important to highlight, though, that where I see being Panamanian as a perk, she sees it as a burden.

________

My husband  will quickly tell them that I am Panamanian. I hesitate. Because I do get treated differently and he doesn’t get that. Because people, when they hear I am Panamanian, they want to know, why if I think I am better than they are because I look black. And then I am driving a nice car. I live in a nice neighborhood. And so what makes you different from me? 

and I did get treated differently when I was trying to do my own placa (license plate). And I wasn’t going up there being snotty because I don’t really speak a lot of Spanish compared to the way they speak, especially when I first got here. And so I wasn’t trying to make any waves; I just needed my plates. And I was coming from the US as a retiree, so I knew I had certain rights. And they- people would say well you need to go here, you need to go there, and they would just say it. And where is there? Well, how can I tell you? How come you don’t know? You’re Panamanian.  Well I never lived here. I left here when I was four. And I found that I got treated differently because I was Panamanian.

I even had a guy not let me in the bank as a jubilado one Friday. I had to go to banco nacional to pay the tax on my car that I was deported(importing?). And they sent me across the street. And it was a pay Friday. And there were people out the door. And it was hot and sunny. So I walk up, and I said I was going on the jubilado (retired) line, which of course there were like 2 people on the line and no one waiting to get there. And this young guy, looked like he was about 20, said no you can’t go in there. And I said excuse me, I am a jubilado. And I pulled out my cedula and he said no! and my age was on there. So then I pulled out my Maryland driver’s license and he looked at it and said, “ok now you can go in there.”  

So I get treated differently when people think I am a Panamanian. He’s an American and they treat him differently. And he is a man. So he thinks he is doing something by saying my wife is Panamanian. And I don’t find that amusing because it puts me in a different category. Maybe not him. But it puts me in a differently light. 

better late than never.

Here is a random picture from today's trip to El Valle de Anton.

I wanted to see the National Flower, but it is not in bloom. (doesn't it look amazing? It is an orchid that looks like there is a dove in the middle) It is supposed to bloom between July and October. I first went on a Fulbright trip to the Orchid Nursery in March. I had high hopes for today's journey!

womp womp

The woman today said "maybe the end of August" which is also when I am leaving. boooo

At this rate, you will not see the rest of today's pictures until September. Anyhoo, please enjoy this album of pictures from May

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2211145&id=1309093&l=a2be543cff

nooo a knife in the heart!

Mi Diario

August 25th was going to be fantastic! After the book fair I was going to Rod Carew to see Marc Anthony, Alejandro Fernandez, and Pitbull!! ok so I hadn't actually purchased a ticket but I was going to.... Now it is "postponed". Since I leave the 29th I doubt I will be able to attend now.

sadness.

sharing is for suckers

"... We do not think about sharing anything with anyone. We live for today. We don't save. We don't invest. We just think about what we need now, and by we I mean ourselves. We do not share anything. When I needed business advice I had to go outside of my community. I got help from the Jews, the Chinese, Pakistani, anyone except my own people. We just do not share. We are hoarders! West Indians are hoarders! Girl, down to the recipes! To the grave with them! And what good does that do?! ..."

just some light car conversation a few weeks ago

viva espana!!

In our search for a World Cup Finals viewing location, I ran into this lady. She was saying  A LOT and kindly allowed me to take a picture. Pro-Spain, Pro-Panama, anti-Ley Chorizo, respect for el pulpo paul. Is that a Netherlands flag in her hand?

We settled on the Rockin Gorilla because the Spanish bar was full and the Colombian place said we needed a reservation (hmmmm). The bar had a nice mix of Holland and Spain supporters. I thought I was indifferent, but early on my reactions showed I was for la furia roja!! 

... finally in overtime, SPAIN SCORED!!

Via Argentina went crazy!! The rain did not stop the party. My friend and I went to the hang out outside of the Spanish bar because I wanted a picture with the huge jersey they had in the lane divider.

 Here I am, signing a piece of history! (ignore my orange bag lol. it is my favorite purse.)

Viva Espana!!! Viva la Furia Roja!!

World Cup Champions!!!!

Fighting for labor rights, flighting for the right to fight for labor rights.

CLICK HERE for videos of what is going on in Bocas.  Thank you to Thelma for posting these on her fb page.


this is an article I translated (using google translator). I have posted more on my facebook page.

115 arrested and 105 injured in Changuinola, according to the Government

LA PRENSA / Carlos Lemos Today, July 9, 2010, continued fighting in Changuinola, Bocas del Toro.

7:26 pm - PANAMA CITY, Panama. (ACAN-EFE) .- The Government of Panama announced today that 115 people detained in the city of Changuinola in Bocas del Toro province, after another day of protests and clashes between banana workers and police who have already left 105 injured. 

"About 115 people have been apprehended as a result of the riots in Changuinola," Security Ministry said in a statement on the reporting of property damage in several buildings and public institutions of the city, which has decreed a curfew beginning at 9:00 pm 

"The situation is not yet controlled. The thing is heated," he told Acan-Efe a Security Ministry official, on the clashes, which on Thursday claimed the life of Antonio Smith, a union of the banana sector. 

Wounded

For its part, the Health Ministry said in another statement it is aware of 105 wounded in clashes featuring police and workers of the banana Bocas Fruit Company, who protest to demand wage arrears and the repeal of two laws that restrict trade union rights. 

Sources consulted by the Ministry Acan-Efe did not confirm if the balance referred to today or is global. 

The ministry in charge of home affairs said the demonstrators set fire to police station for children and adolescents, and several shops and vehicles used as barricades in the streets. 

He noted that the strikers "maintain activity" in three areas of Changuinola where they collected stones and sharp objects. 

"The commission sent by President Ricardo Martinelli, headed by the Minister of the Presidency, Jimmy Papadimitriu, is meeting with union leaders," the source said, adding that "it has not yet reported the results of this meeting."

1989 changed many things, including Panama.

"...The gangs are a direct consequence of the invasion. Since the gringos came with their bullshit invasion, everyone has a gun. Even the people you'd least expect. Before, if you wanted a gun, you needed money to buy it and a permit. Now you don't need money or a permit..."

In route to send one of my interviewees the link for the Academy Award winning documentary The Panama Deception (1992) about the 1989 US invasion of Panama, I came across this:

One Dollar: el Precio de la Vida (Spanish with English subtitles)

a documentary about post-invasion drugs gangs, and crime in poor Panamanian communities. I am interested to hear thoughts about this piece. Let me know if you watch it.

land of immigrants

I don't think I have ever explained really what my project is. I will next time hee hee. I will just say that my primary research group is 1st, 2nd, and sometimes 3rd generation West Indian.  I often write "West Indian" here, but I should be more specific. I am not dealing with people who came from the West Indies themselves, but instead their descendants.  That being said, here are some (sad) notes from a woman who came to Panama from Barbados and the horrible experience she had.  For attitude like hers, people (West Indians and their descendants) left Panama. Many (especially people from the Canal Zone) migrated to the US.

(this is not my interview, rather an interview someone else did in the 1970s)

_____________________________________________________________________

Went to Panama in 1913, her sister sent for her and another sister.

what kind of news of Panama did you receive from letters: Panama was no place for a decent person to live.

why did you leave: “My sister sent for me. We loved each other so I wanted to be with her”

What was it like once you got to Panama/Colon/Almirante: I could hardly find a descent place to live. It was a lot different from home. I never liked it. The place was a in a mess ___.  I lived in Panama with my sisters for a long time until I got married. After some time, I went to live in Gatun (Canal Zone) where my husband lived. I didn’t like it and I asked him to go back to (the Republic of) Panama to live after 2 years. We came to La Boca (Canal Zone) and I lived till he died. After he died I went to live with my daughter in Panama. I don’t know how much rent he paid in Gatun. He payed about $6 in La Boca”

What did you think of the Canal Zone: It was awful. Worst than home. You didn’t even have your own service(bathroom). Food was scarce. Lived there for 13 years or more.

Do you own your house: We couldn't, but I would never want to (own this home)

What did you do for work: I never worked since left my country. I got married at 21 and had 7 children. No time to work

That things did you want to accomplish in life: There was nothing to accomplish in Panama (CZ included)

How were you children: “They were idle like all the children in this place” They went to school in the CZ. Like that school because the teachings were good and they could get a “solid W.I. background from their teachers. “My children are not like me. They waste a lot of time” Children now live between the States and Panama.

What can you say about your grandchildren: “They are worst than my children. They are going to speed up the coming of Jesus”

Did you know anything about the Garvey movement: That Garvey was a smart man, but that God was not on his side

Did you ever return to your country: If had the strength and money, would go back to Barbados. “I am sorry I ever left in the first place” Stayed because “I was here with my sister, my husband, and my children and I had no money to take them all back”

Sees herself as weaker in the mind than her parents.

West Indians "busy and serious people"

In the old days, “they were real people. Not like now that they take every thing for granted.

What do you think of Panamanians: "They are a damn set of jackasses. A lazy bunch”

what do you think of White Zonians: "the cruelest bunch of people I ever seen"

“I believe I have wasted my life coming to Panama. All I want now is to live in peace and await the coming of Jesus. The days of our Lord is near and I will be ready to receive him”

La Boca, circa 1914. photo from I.L. Maduro

Mama needs new shoes! to avoid a wheelchair.

I saw these shoes maybe a year ago. They were 69.99 or something silly at DSW. I noticed them. They noticed me. I probably sent a text to my shoe-buddy Emoney  to tell her I wish we were the people who could just buy mediocre quality regular priced shoes for no reason lol

fast forward.

I was at a different DSW looking for some sandals to take to Panama and guess what I saw?? It was a miracle that these shoes and I found each other again not only because I was in a different state entirely, not only because they were on sale (50%off!) but because I wear a size 10. The sale rack of size 10 shoes is usually 1/4 that of smaller sized shoes. **aside: I am not sad that I wear a size 10. I am tall. With smaller feet I would tip over. But I envy your rows and rows of sale shoes, smaller footed women. I envy your sale racks.**

I bought my shoes and promise to love them forever.
But our love affair was cut short.

I either left these shoes when I moved out of crazylady's  that first apartment (DOUBTFUL! I like them and I do not think I would have left anything behind there)

or

the former maid STOLE THEM. I am voting for this option. My heart broke when I went to wear my shoes in December and they were not in my closet. Conveniently, the maid quit and did not ever return....I even emailed crazylady my former landlord to see if I left them in the apartment. **Not surprisingly, she never wrote me back (she hasn't said anything to me at all after I kindly told her I in fact did not owe her $128 for a lock change and she needed to return my un-deposited deposit check as stipulated in the leasing agreement that she herself created. silence. and no check. what a lovely woman)**

Why do I bring this up now, 7 months later?? Well yes. it still hurts. However, I have developed some painful tendinitis in both feet because of the flat-foot, flat-shoe combination I have been rocking since around January 2009.  I am not claiming my CK sandals to be the most supportive shoes ever created, but they sure beat flip flops.

enjoy my shoes, Mirella. *squinting eyes* Karma will get you! I, (un)fortunately, need to buy new shoes. quickly.