modelame asi, pose!

*singing* si tu eres fotogenica, te invito a mi pasarela

Many months ago, I was in a fashion show (the blond next to me is the other Fulbrighter working in Panama City. The two asymmetrical shirts on the left are my favorites of this look)

There was a conference for Afro Latinas from all around Central America right here in Panama City! I was not invited. Lol. However, in the company of other young future Latina (and non Latina) leaders, we danced and modeled clothing for the conference participants.  I did not dance. And yes, ungraceful shy Ariana modeled. Not well. But I did it! (yes, I am shy. I don't care who says differently. I am.)

People who know me well know: I hate when people look at me. That is not an exaggeration. It makes me very extremely furiously uncomfortable. It sounds silly, but it is true. It made me cry as a little kid. Yes I have taught classes, given presentations, run group programs. It is something I have to work on daily.  Sooooo I thought this would be a nice way to be social and keep working on the fact that I hate when people look at me. (if you are ever trying to get my attention, I implore you: Do not stare at me).

I was one of the stiffest, fastest walking, most awkward looking models I am sure lol. Pero paso a paso... here is me, looking quite... uncomfortable! lol (which is sad because this outfit was sooo comfy)

Most of the pictures on facebook are blurry, but many thanks to Veyra's uncle for taking pictures of all of us!

In true Panamanian fashion, the show started very late. We did not have enough models because of the time difference and Kari (the designer) started pulling women from everywhere. The program was not at all what we were told it would be. The “runway” changed locations right before the show started thus messing up our entire rehearsed program.  HOWEVER

In the end I had fun. I met some great women, made some new friends.  Ate a free dinner. I was able to see some (in my opinion) beautiful designs.  My aunts Nazarena and Nelly came by to see me!

In the beginning and the middle, however, I did not have fun.  I never really had a body image issue, but the more I do not fit into things, the more I have an… issue.  This show, Tal Como Soy (As I am), was supposed to inspire feel-good vibes for all models. As a collective, we were supposed to say: Whatever shape I am, I am beautiful! I am fashionable! That was not how I felt (initially)

The clothes I wore were huge, except a dress which did NOT fit at the top. Someone twice my size could have easily worn them. Why did I choose those outfits, you ask? They were the only things that fit. Of the five looks, I participated in four. I could not wear anything for the denim look because absolutely nothing fit me. I will not turn this into a woe is me body image blog. I like my shape. But initially, I was disappointed in the choices that were available to me and the standard shape (thin, no chest) to which they were tailored. As other girls chose their outfits and tried this and that, I stood on the sidelines offering to narrate instead. Thank you, Kari, for not listening to me and giving me clothes to wear.

Soon thereafter, I got over myself and had said fun and enjoyed said women and new friends.  I think Kari’s clothes really are beautiful so I encourage you to check out Fusion Artwear by Kindred

 http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Fusion-Artwear-by-Kindred/68784495884?v=info&ref=ts

THIS is my favorite dress of the show. Veyra is my personality opposite lol and is a great model.